Children's books that will never get published

• "You Were an Accident"
• "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
• "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
• "Some Kittens Can Fly!"
• "Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
• "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
• "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
• "All Dogs Go to Hell"
• "The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking"
• "You Are Different and That's Bad"
• "Dad's New Wife Timothy"
• "POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games"
• "Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"
• "The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
• "Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
• "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence"
• "The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"
• "The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"
• "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
• "The Berenstein Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"
• "How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"
• "Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear"
• "When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"
• "What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
• "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
• "Bi-Curious George"
• "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"